my eyes are up here

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There's a phenomenon going on that needs to be brought to attention.

For some reason, whenever I mention pumping or breastfeeding, who ever I am talking to immediately glances to my chest. And I mean who ever. Men, women, it doesn't matter.

Do they think my boobs are going to start leaking right then and there? Do they think I am going to start PUMPING in front of them? Are they checking to see if the owlet has suddenly latched on, even though he is nowhere in sight? (and usually, not even with me. Hence, the pumping.)

Are they checking to see if my chest size is big enough to feed my child? (trust me, it is.)

So, friends, coworkers, who ever. Hi. You don't need to check out my chest when I tell you that I need to pump, or that I have pumped, or that I am still breastfeeding. I promise you that I am not going to spring a leak (anymore) and that my boobs are producing enough milk to feed my child.

Keep it up, and I just may glance to the pants every time you mention that you have to go to the bathroom.

The lopsided cow

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It has come to my attention (actually, it came to my attention several months ago, but whatevs) that the milk factory attached to my chest does not produce equally on both sides. I knew this would be the case, because I'm sure I read about it in one of the 3 books I read before the owlet was born. But I didn't know they would be this unequal.

For example. I am sitting here pumping (literally. I am.) and on one side I have managed to pump just over 4 ounces. The other side? Is barely closing in on 2.

WHY DON'T THEY TELL US THIS WHEN WE GET PREGNANT? Why didn't my doctor say, "by the way, your boobs? They won't produce the same amount. You'll be able to feed your owlet just fine, but he might get frustrated when he's eating on one side because it comes out slowly, and only a few ounces. " What she did say: "you might have one side that produces a little less than the other, and that's ok, just make sure to still nurse or pump on that side." It would have been nice to know that my boobs are now not only two different sizes, but that they produce very different amounts.

Which is awesome when the owlet only eats on one side before he gets full, and then I walk around really feeling lopsided. Not cool, owlet. Not cool.

The funny thing is, the side that produced LESS would always seem to leak MORE in the middle of the night, like when I was carrying the owlet, or rocking him, or he was sleeping on me. WTF is up with that? Shouldn't the side that produces MORE be leaking?

Actually, I'd rather neither side leak, and save some of that precious milk for the owlet, rather than feeding my shirt or the bed. But whatevs.

Thankfully, the leaking has stopped. The two different boob sizes and milk amounts, however, have not.

the joys of being a working, breastfeeding mamma

Doesn't this woman just look so happy to be pumping while talking on the phone and doing paperwork? Just so you know, she is not me.

Don't get me wrong, I love being able to breastfeed the owlet. I'm happy to pump twice a day at work so that I can keep my freezer stocked full of milk for him.

But I have to be honest. I feel just a teensy bit weird with my pump strapped to my chest as I type away and do paperwork or play on the internet. I guess I feel less weird surfing the net than I do when I do my paperwork. Or talk on the phone. I'm always a little worried that whomever I'm talking to can hear the quiet chugga-chugga-chugga of the pump. (No it doesn't really chug, but I don't know the sound it makes, even though I hear it everyday.)

I feel even more weird when there is a cafeteria full of little people just outside my door, and I sit in here with a contraption strapped to my boobs. Or when I'm first setting things up. Because that little bra thing she has on there? I don't have that. I have a bella band with two holes cut in it. Classy. There is an intense amount of fear that my door isn't closed. or locked. or that someone is peeking in through the crack in the door. (they do that, by the way, but thankfully no one can see my desk through the crack. I hope.)

I guess it could be worse. I could have to stand in a bathroom stall for 20 minutes twice a day. I could be forced to pump in a closet, or a room with windows that I can't cover. I guess I'm pretty lucky that I've got an office all to myself, with a door that locks, so that I can sit here and pump milk while I do my paperwork.

How do you other working moms feel about pumping at work?