Accident Proof

Choking Hazards. Keeping shoes on outside. Making sure the metal slides (do they even make metal slides anymore?) aren't too hot. Don't let kids do X, don't let them do Y.

I saw this picture on pinterest today, and someone commented that whatever came out of it would be put in a child's mouth regardless of whether it was a toy or candy. Yeah, it probably would be, because that's part of how kids learn about their world. Could it be a choking hazard? Probably. So is it meant for a 6 month old to play with? No. Should it be used with adult supervision? Yes.

What happened to us? What happened to letting kids be kids? To trusting our intuition about what our kids can do/ can't do/ handle/can't handle?

(and who the heck am I, Mrs. Mama Owl, always the fearful, to be writing something like this?)

I have come to the realization that we are living in a culture of fear. We are so afraid of letting kids be kids, that we are holding them back. We are not letting them experience things because we are afraid of what might happen.

I am afraid too. I don't want the owlet to hurt. Ever. But he is going to hurt. He is going to trip, and he's going to fall. He's going to try to climb too high on a tree and he's going to get scrapes and cuts and bruises. And I know this. And I hope that he is going to be ok.

I am trying to love him deeply, to allow him to enjoy every single moment. While still keeping him safe. I'm standing back a little farther on the playground now. Letting him run a little freer. While still making sure he stays safe, of course. We still tell him, "that doesn't go in our mouths," but we don't yell and scream if a little bit of dirt, or a stick, or a crayon goes in his mouth.

I'm slowly learning to trust my intuition. To give the Owlet a little more space, to grow into the amazing boy I know he's going to be. To watch him make good choices, to learn what the rules are, to do things by himself.

And he's really such an amazing little guy, just as I knew in my heart he would be.

Hurting

I have a heavy heart tonight. I've had a heavy heart a lot of nights, but I'm usually able to shrug it off after a little while. Put sad thoughts out of my mind. But tonight, they're rolling around quite a lot.

A fellow September mommy had a very sad, scary thing happen to her son the other day, when he had an accident and now has burns covering 30% of his body. This little guy is the owlet's age. I can't get this image out of my head. I'm not going to go into details about what happened, because I just can't.

Just like I can't get the image out of my mind of a little 15 month old who had drowned in his bathtub.

It's just not fair. My heart hurts for these wonderful little beings who have terrible things happen to them.

My heart hurts for the kid who was told by his dad at the library that he is "such a mess, and makes a mess wherever he goes." Kids remember this stuff. It becomes who they are, even if just for a little while.

I got out of doing therapy because I couldn't hear terrible stories from kids anymore. And instead I hear terrible stories ABOUT kids. I had to leave a facebook group because I couldn't handle any more sad stories about kids. It breaks my heart.

I was telling the hubs tonight that I wish I could walk around like most of the people on the earth do, only caring about myself. But I can't.

I wish I could take in all these little lovelies who have had bad things happen to them, and make them better, but I can't do that either.

The most I can do is love on my little owlet with every fiber of my being. Provide him with the knowledge that he is safe and oh so loved.

And cry for the little ones who are hurting, who have been hurt, or who no longer have to hurt anymore.

An Unwelcome Guest

A visitor came to our house tonight, one that I know will come back again and again, but one that I never want to have to deal with. The guest? Fear.

During the owlet's bath tonight, he flipped over off of his little sling thing into the tub. At first he just sort of pushed himself up, and then he coughed and kicked and sputtered, and I grabbed him and patted his back and managed to hold it together so that he wouldn't freak out, even though inside I was freaking out.

It all happened so fast, one second he was sort of leaning, the next second he's coughing and sitting up in my arms. It scares me to no end to think about what would have happened if I hadn't been right there. If something had gotten my attention, like the dog tried to do last night during bath time. It made me think about all the things that I WON'T be there to protect him from. Things that are years and years away yet nonetheless drive a fear in me that makes me want to rethink that whole bubble boy idea.

I want to protect him from every possible harm. I know that I can't. I guess all that I can do is prepare him for what might come, and hope that I've done my best.

But for now? We're going to sign up for Infant Aquatics.

bubble boy

image via

Doesn't that look like fun? I want one of these for the owlet. Only I want him to be in it all the time. When I was younger and single, I worried about things sometimes. After I got married, I worried about things a lot more. I worried about something happening to the hubs or to me. Now that I'm a mom with a family, I worry about things A LOT. Something happening to the hubs, to me, and of course, to the owlet.

I stopped watching the news a long time ago, because in my profession I just couldn't handle hearing terrible, traumatic things on the news because I hear terrible, traumatic things everyday. Recently I realized that I can no longer watch Grey's Anatomy. A show I loved for a long time, then stopped watching for a little while for no reason other than I forgot about it, and then fell back in love with, I can no longer watch because people, families, babies: they get sick and hurt and die on that show. And that's not ok, because it just adds to my fear that something unexpected will happen to someone that I love.

A few months back my best friend from high school lost her husband in a tragic car accident. Stuff like that is not supposed to happen. My friend should not be a widow at 34. There was a car accident the other day near where I work and a family of 5 was killed. That's not supposed to happen either. A co-worker's son has a brain tumor. Everyday people are diagnosed with cancer. Or Lukemia. Or some other life threatening illness.

I don't want to be afraid for my son all the time, because that's no way to live. I don't want to raise him to be afraid of everything. I want him to be able to go out and live life, because that's what it's there for. But I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want to move to some island somewhere where bad things never happen and no one can ever get sick. Or if I could stick him in a bubble so that he could never get hurt. I know it didn't work so well for John Travolta, but maybe it'll work for the owlet?
image via

Of course I say most of this in jest, but there is a part of me, a large part of me, that struggles with living life to the fullest, anjoying every moment, and teaching the owlet to do the same. Because what I really want to do is cling tightly to the owlet so that he never experiences an ounce of pain or heartache.

But like Dory says so well in Finding Nemo: "If you never let anything happen to him, then nothing will ever happen to him." Smart fish, that Dory.

hello, my name is Overprotective Mom

I started work today, but that's not what I'm going to blog about. Not really, anyway. Although I guess what I am going to blog about is somewhat related... my MIL watching my lil man. While I work. Ok. It is totally related. Whatevs.

I am in the process of writing a mental list, which will soon turn into a for real list of things that my MIL needs to know about watching Alex. Am I crazy? Perhaps. Overprotective? A smidge. But I've spent everyday for the last 10 weeks with this little man, and I know the ins and outs of his cries, his naps (or lack thereof), his needs and his wants. I think I'd do the same thing if I was leaving him in the hands of a complete stranger at a day care or with a nanny. But since it's family, it feels a little weird.

So in no particular order, here is a rough draft of what I've come up with in my head of what MIL (and the hubs, since he'll be there too) needs to know about a day in the life with lil man.

1. He sometimes takes 2-3 naps a day. Sometimes he doesn't. If he doesn't have a morning nap (around 9 or 10) then he will usually take a long nap mid afternoon, around noon, sometimes lasting until 3:00, sometimes much shorter. I try to put him down for these naps, either beside me on the couch or in his pack-n-play, rather than holding him, although sometimes he wakes up when moved.

2. He typically eats about 3 ounces at each feeding. I learned this from lactation group. He will usually eat every 2 hours or so, unless he takes a long nap. Sometimes he only eats a little, falls asleep and then eats more an hour later. Please don't feel like he needs to eat all 3oz at every feeding. When we feed him from the bottle we usually take it away from him every oz or so to see how he's doing. When he licks his lips it usually means he's full. If he cries, he may need to be burped, rather than needing more food. Sometimes it takes a long time to get a burp, so don't give up after a few minutes, especially since he's eating from a bottle. If he makes the hunger sign (moving his head back and forth with his mouth open) feel free to give him a little more.

3. Cures for fussiness: putting him over your shoulder and patting his back while lightly shushing him directly in his ear. Laying him down, sometimes he just wants to kick his legs, especially if he's been held for a long time. Laying him down and bringing his legs to his belly. Sometimes this helps with the gas. Trying to burp him. Lightly massaging his belly. I typically try all of these things before giving him his binky or feeding him.

4. A has really sensitive skin, so I've sent the hubs with a blanket to lay him on the couch or the floor. I think you have a blanket too, we can wash this if you want because we use free & clear detergent for everything. If he soils/messes anything, send it home with the hubs so we can wash it. Scented detergent makes him rashy.

5. Speaking of rashy, if his bottom looks a little red, you can use the Buttpaste. (I love this stuff)

6. He spends a lot of time sucking on his hands. This usually doesn't mean that he's hungry, he just does it to soothe.

7. His gas cry is different than his hunger cry. His gas cry is more of a grunting type cry, where as his hunger cry sometimes has a "mwah" sound to it. Sometimes. Other times it's a full on wail. But this could also be his over-tired cry.

So. what do you think? Too much? In no way, by the way, does this make it easier for me to go back to work. But at least with this list I can pretend.

The Worry Monster

As I was lying in bed this morning, desperately waiting for my little owlet to fall blissfully back to sleep, listening to the sniffs and snuffles of his stuffy nose, I started thinking about how much as mothers, and parents, we worry about our little ones. It made me wonder if other mammals worry about their young as much as we do. Sure they teach their young to avoid predators, or cars, or whatever, but at some point, their little ones, like ours, go off on their own. Do they worry about them? Do they listen to them sleep? Both relieved and frustrated when they start to fuss? For some of us, the worry begins before they are even conceived, as we worry about whether we even CAN get pregnant, and once we are pregnant, we worry that it won't last, and once we hit the 13 week mark (and can breathe a little easier, sort of), there's even more to worry about. Complications. Defects. Life Threatening Illness. That "S" word that keeps me awake at night, listening to him breathe.

I can't even imagine how much more I will continue to worry as my little Owlexander gets older, and is able to get into things, goes off to school, starts high school, goes off to College (shudder). My friend has a saying "love deeply, hold loosely." During times like this, a statement like that is something I should remember, as difficult as it is to "hold loosely." I think we worry so much because we love so much. I hope that when the time comes, that Alex will know that he's safe and loved as he goes off to explore the world, and that I'll be here, worrying away.