the great debate

Over the past few weeks there has been a huge debate going on in my mind, and recently, out loud. This debate is about work. And childcare. Sadly, the hubs and I have realized that I cannot be a SAHM (stay at home mom). Not that I want to be a SAHM, not really. I want to spend everyday with my owlet, watching him grow, teaching him things, and playing with him, but I want to be able to go out and talk to people and have adult conversations. Basically I want the best of both worlds. I have approached my boss about possibly going to part time, which would allow me time home with my owlet a couple days a week. The problem with this scenario: I am burned out on my job. And if I'm not allowed to go to part time, I worry that I will come home so drained dealing with kiddos and the various systems that I work in that I won't have time to enjoy being a Mom. So, I have started looking for other things. This brings a whole new issue, as what I am looking at is not part time, but it may allow me to be less stressed thus allowing me to feel like I can give more time and energy to my little guy when I get home, rather than being totally drained and stressed out. Of course, there's the possibility of this other job not paying enough, which brings me to the other issue: Childcare.

Why on earth is child care so expensive? I emailed a potential nanny the other day, her rate? $12/hour. That's just a little less than I make an hour. So why do I want to pay someone basically the same thing that I make after taxes to stay home and watch my child, when that's all I want to do, and I could do it for free? It just doesn't make sense. If only I wasn't going to be paying student loans until I'm 60, it might be somewhat feasible for me to stay home. Or just work part time. Maybe what I need to do is get a job AT a childcare facility?! That way I could have the best of both worlds. I could spend the day with my little man WHILE getting childcare WHILE getting paid! Of course, I'm not qualified to do this, but hey, a girl can dream right?