Burnt. Out.

Ya'll, I am burnt out at my job. I have mentioned this before, briefly, but it's getting serious. I have cried at work almost every day this week, and not because I miss the owlet, although that's part of it. I think the only day I didn't cry was yesterday, but that was because I was so godawfully busy that I didn't even have time to stop and think.

I work with some pretty tough people. Let me rephrase that. I work with some pretty great kids and some pretty crappy parents who I often want to shake and slap upside the head. I want to shake them and smack them a lot more than I used to before the owlet arrived. And now that he's here, well, these crappy parents just put me over the edge. And, I'll be honest. Not all of the kids I work with are great, but some of them really are, they just have terrible home lives. Burnout:1, Jess: 0

For the record, I was feeling pretty fried before I left on Materinty Leave. Then I came back from said leave to a damn near full caseload and a heavy heart to have to leave my owlet everyday. I searched high and low for a part time job while I was on leave, to no avail. I even asked my supervisor if I could come back part time so that I could spend more time with my lil guy, because let's face it, I didn't want to come back anyway, but if I could do it part time it might be somewhat more bearable. (she said No. In case you couldn't guess.)

Adding to the burnout is the fact that I never see the hubs. Ok, I see him. But it's for about 3-4 hours everyday. The same amount of time I get to spend with the owlet. And it's not enough quality time with either of them. I spent most of that time feeding the owlet and playing with him before it's time for his bedtime routine, and then mine. And since the hubs works nights, he usually naps before he goes in. So the whole family usually heads to bed by about 7:30. Awesome. Makes you wonder why laundry hasn't been put away in a fortnight, doesn't it?
Burnout: 3, Jess: 0

So, my main source of support is not home at night, and he sleeps during the day. I am incredibly burnt out already on my job, and am searching fruitlessly for something else that will allow me to work part time and with decent enough pay and hours so that I actually get to spend time with the lil man. All of this in a job economy that sucks.
Burnout: 5, Jess: 0

One of the amazing therapists I work with did a talk on vicarious trauma/burnout the other day, and she asked us to think about why we do what we do. For me, right now, being totally honest with myself (and all of you) I do it for the owlet. I do it to bring home a paycheck. Not the best reason to continue to do the work that I do, but, well. That's what it is.

And when I come home after a tiring, trying day, and I see that look of recognition on the owlet's face, and I see that incredible smile that lights up his face, well, sometimes that makes things a whole lot better. And when I get to spend time playing with him and he laughs and smiles and babbles and coos with me, it just makes me melt. It makes me start to forget the crappy day I just had.

Burnout: 6, Jess: 3.