Recommended Reading, part 2

I seriously LOVE working in a library. And I just got a promotion so that I can actually help people find books, which is awesome. The hard part of this is that people ask me for recommendations for books. Well, that's not really the hard part. The hard part is dealing with people who forget that I am also a person and that they can treat me like crap.

Anyway. I've been on a reading spree since Series 4 of Doctor Who ended, and series 5 has taken forever to come in for me at said library. So, here, in no particular order, are my suggestions for some new reads.

Gregor the Overlander, by Suzanne Collins. (yes, that Suzanne Collins). It's a kids's fantasy series, and it starts with this one. It started a little weird, I'm not going to lie. But it got a lot better. It's basically about a boy who ends up falling through this portal thing and ends up in a world underneath New York. He has to save his Dad, and he's with his baby sister, which provides both a sweet and sometimes humorous element.

Ready Player One, by Ernest Cline. Super fun sci-fi/fantasy novel. Technically it's called a "gamer novel" but you don't have to be into video games to dig it. There's also a TON of 80's references, which were super fun. It's got everything, really. Hero's journey, fighting against the system, and a love story, all in one. I really loved this book.

The Maze Runner and The Scorch Trials, by James Dashner. Books one and two of the Maze Runner trilogy. (I'm currently on book three. I'm not diggin it as much.) For those of you missing The Hunger Games, this series fills that void, somewhat. Another dystopian fantasy world, in the very distant future, there's a disease called The Flare that's affected almost everyone on the planet. While you don't get as attached to the main characters as you might have done with HG, it still has that same feeling. The best thing is that it grabs you on page one, and doesn't let go, until the end of book 2.

Maine by Courtney Sullivan. I started this book but haven't gotten very far in it. I think I'm too into the fantasy/sci-fi genre right now, and I couldn't really handle the family drama. But what I read of it was pretty good.

Sisters Grimm series, numbers 1 and 2 (and currently reading 3) by Michael Buckley. Fun, easy books (more kids chapter books) about the Sisters Grimm, descendants of the Brothers Grimm. Yes, those Brothers. It's fun to see the characters you already know (or think you know) in a different light.

The Writer's Tale, by Russell T. Davies. I have been reading this book every day on my lunch break for the past 6 weeks. It has taken me that long, and I'm only halfway through. This book is HUGE, and awesome. It is so cool to see RTD's process in writing Doctor Who. How he comes up with these insane names, like Raxicoricofallapatorius. Actually, he hasn't talked about that. They're just sort of...there. But it's cool. It's really cool. Plus, pictures of David Tennant. Hello! awesome already.

One for the Money, by Janet Evanovich. I took a dabble in the mystery realm, because it's one of the areas where I feel like I really lack. I enjoyed this book, although there were certain parts that were REALLY hard for me to read. But it was fun. I wouldn't mind reading another one of hers, although I've heard that after a while they become pretty similar, but we'll see.

So, I think that's all for now. I have 4 books currently checked out which I have yet to start, so I'll be updating ya'll again soon on more recommendations.

Project Life

You guys? I have discovered something Ah-may-zing. It is called Project Life, and it has changed mine. (that sounds cheesy and totally made up, but whatevs.)

So I was wasting time on Pinterest the other day, and I saw these pins on various people's scrapbooking pages that talked about Project Life. So I Googled it, and I immediately liked what I saw. It's like scrapbooking, without scrapbooking. Well, no, that's not right. It's like when I was in Jr High and used to collect newspaper clippings of band, or cards from crushes, or notes, or whatever. But with pictures thrown in. (I guess I did have some pictures in my "scrapbook.")

I was so excited when this little box arrived!

I've never been super crafty. I like to pretend I am. I like to try things, but the things I create NEVER turn out the way I have them pictured in my head. But this? This can be anything you want. You can add bibbles and baubles and fun little embellishments. Or not. It doesn't matter. The other thing I like? You can focus on what you want to focus on. If you want to have 30 pictures of one event, you can. It's not like with "regular" scrapbooking where you basically have one or two pictures surrounded by a bunch of stuff. (I realize I might be offending some regular 'scrappers here, but, I've just always had a problem with it. I think, honestly, I don't have the eye for it. I don't know what stickers or buttons or flowers to put with what, let alone where. I mean no offense, I promise.)

This is what was inside. A lot of the bigger cards are missing, because they're already in my book. But all those little boxes ALSO have journaling cards in them too! There's so much stuff in there!

Anyway. I'm LOVING this system. I ended up buying just the journaling cards from the Becky Higgins site, because everything else was sold out. (Most of the stuff should be back mid-month, FYI). Right, I probably should have mentioned that. The best thing about this is that it's lots of journaling with the pictures. Or little journaling. Or mostly journaling with minimal pictures. Some people are doing the 365 photo thing, and using it that way. I'm sure there's other slacker moms like me who've realized they've done NOTHING by the way of a baby book and are realizing that if they don't get on it RIGHT. NOW. That they will forget everything. So that's how I'm using it now. I'm thinking that after the owlet turns 2, we'll do the 365 thing. Or we won't. Maybe we'll focus on taking 7 pictures a week. Regardless, this system is helping me remember what the owlet was like when he was a wee thing, and taking more pictures of the here and now.

These are some of my pages so far. I'm putting in a bunch of stuff that was going to go in his baby book, because I think this is going to serve as his baby book and his photo album. I've been working on it every night, and it's really coming together.

But seriously? Thank goodness for facebook and this ol' blog here. Because some of the details about the past year and a half are just a smidge fuzzy.

Reconnecting

via

I've been doing a lot of reading lately, mostly non parenting books, but I did pick up a couple at the library the other day about Positive Discipline, and Disciplining from an Attachment Style. So far I've really been digging The Discipline Book, by Dr. Sears, basically the guru on all things attachment style parenting.

I've always known that I was going to raise the owlet in the attachment style, as a former school based therapist and Naropan, it was really the only thing that made sense. But people and naysayers tried to get me to move away from that, especially when the owlet was still a newborn. People asked me why he wasn't sleeping through the night, and suggested that I tried Cry It Out, which we did, with no success, and with great suffering on my part.

(as a side note, Sears mentions that if you try this, as a last resort, or because it's what's been spouted to you and you feel like it's not for you...then it's not for you. Hmmm. Brilliant.)

Going back to what the hubs and I knew was right for us, although it took quite a bit longer with the owlet, actually worked. The owlet now sleeps from about 6:30pm to about 6:30am. Amazing, right? He also naps in his own crib, which means I can enjoy watching tv or blogging or whatever while he naps, without worrying about being too noisy and tip-toeing around.

What did we do, you ask? We listened to our guts and what we knew was right for our child and our situation. We still sit in his room while he falls asleep, both for naps and for bedtime. We shush him, from across the room, if needed. We let him know that we are there, that we care for him, and that we want him to be happy. If he wakes in the middle of the night, I go in to find out what's wrong. For a couple weeks he was waking up around 3am, like clockwork. For a couple nights, I sat in his room, next to his crib, waiting for him to fall asleep. But I was miserable. I was cold, uncomfortable and just wanted to sleep. So, I gave in and he came to bed with me, and we both slept until about 6ish. I don't know what changed, but he doesn't need that anymore. Maybe it was his way of reconnecting with me. He got his cuddles in, and realized that sleeping by himself was ok, so now he doesn't wake up anymore.

Lately, thanks to the Discipline Book, (and also thanks to getting a good night sleep again), I have been a much happier mommy, and a mommy who is more able to spend time actually enjoying my child. I spend time on the floor with him in the afternoons, letting him know I'm there for him, and there with him, instead of just sitting on the couch, letting him come to me with books.

I've noticed a change in him when I do this. He doesn't need to be told not to touch the tv as much, because he's getting the attention he wants in a good way, instead of in a bad way. He's fun. He smiles more (I didn't even think that was possible, but it is). He seems, calmer, somehow.

This isn't to say that before he was running around like a crazy, knife-weilding toddler. He has always been pretty great. But I've definitely noticed a shift in him. And, in myself. Getting enough sleep, working fewer hours, stressing less, has made me be able to not just run on survival mode anymore.

And it. Feels. Fabulous.

I think I just needed this book to say to me, "hey, you know all that stuff that you know about how to raise a happy, healthy, successful kid? All that stuff you used to tell the parents you worked with that they needed to do? Yeah, you need to do that. Because it's right, and you know it. And you're getting enough sleep now, and you're happier now, so, what's stopping you?"

Injustice on the playground

I was saddened by something I saw today. Something, in fact that I saw several times. I took the owlet to an indoor play area to burn off some energy before I snapped, but they closed early and he still had oodles of energy to burn. So, we went to my library because I knew they had lots of stuff for kiddos to play with.

The owlet did great. He was calm and didn't run off, like I half expected him to do. He walked around and checked stuff out, and over and over again, bigger kids ripped toys out of his hands, or told him he couldn't play with things.

Like, the kitchen set.

A girl no more than 6, was completely guarding the little pretend kitchen so that my son who only wanted to open and close the cabinet, couldn't play.

Part of me REALLY wanted to say something. And maybe I should have. At what point do you step in and parent someone else's child? I see this type of thing every day in the library. Kids running rampant, pulling books off the shelves, wrestling, or whatever, while their parents sit on the computer, zoned out. Or on their Nintendo DS, like one mom was today. Yes, it's a library, but that doesn't make it a parent free zone. But it's different when my kid is involved. At one point I did step up and say something, when the owlet pulled a block out of a wheelbarrow that another boy was using. (This kid, by the way, had now taken every single block, tool and other such thing, so there was barely anything left to play with. Plus, with the kitchen being barricaded by another lovely, I was half expecting the owlet to say "eff this" and take off.)

Where was I? Oh, right. The other little boy almost ripped the toy out of the owlet's hand, and I said, "it's ok if he plays with that for a second. He's just a little guy." The boy looked at me like how DARE I tell him what to do, but he let the owlet play with it.

It's interesting. Because the other day I was at one of those play areas in the mall. It was very small and VERY crowded, mostly with moms of several kids of varying ages. I think they were having a playgroup. Anyway. These moms, for the most part, were much more vigilant about watching their kids. I heard them say several times, "watch out for the little guy," or "wait your turn." What made this different than the library? The lack of other things to do? These moms could have zoned out just as easily as the ones at the library. They could have been on their phones, or been gossiping and not have noticed. Maybe it was the difference in safety. The kids in the library can't go that far (even though the library is big) whereas at the mall, they could take off and be gone in a flash.

I don't really know. All I know is that when I am out anywhere with the owlet, I watch him like a hawk. Or, a momma owl. Either way, my eyes don't leave him. I want him to know that I'm watching him. That I'm present, even if I'm sitting back, letting him explore.

And if one more of these little beings thinks they can be rude to my child because their parent can't even be bothered to be in the same room as them, they best be watching out. Because Momma Owlet is going to come down hard on them and teach them some manners and a little word called "Sharing."

Anger

A while back, like when the owlet was just a wee little thing, instead of the almost 2 year old he is now, I realized that I do not do well on minimal sleep.

I also realized that when I don't get enough sleep, or am awoken in the middle of the night, or early in the morning, I become a very, very terrible person.

The kind of person who, albeit briefly, understands why some people get to the point of hurting their children. It needs to be said, however, that in my fully awake, caffeinated, rational mind, I would NEVER dream of hurting my child, and that the very thought makes me sick. HOWEVER. There are times, like at 3am, when the owlet has flopped around for an hour and a half and refused to go back to sleep, both in his crib and in bed with me, that I have come close to losing it.

On more than one occasion, I have actually lost it. Although I have never struck my child. And I never will.

Yes, I have screamed, and yelled. I even said the title of that book. (You know the one.)

And the following morning, after I looked at my little sleeping guy, all peaceful and breathing deeply, I was filled with an overwhelming sense of love, and of sadness and anger at myself. No one deserves to be yelled at like that. Yes, he's 16 months, and no, he won't remember it. But I will.

The day after this happened most recently, I apologized to him. I told him that I was sorry I yelled at him. I explained to him, even though he couldn't understand, that Mommy does not do well on very little sleep. I told him that I don't ever want him to be afraid of me. That I don't want him to think that anger is the way to solve problems. Because it's not.

But we inch ever closer to the Terrible Two's. To the days of wanting to rip my hair out. To the days where I am going to be tired of telling him "the dog is not for hitting." "We don't throw our cup at the tv." Where it will be easier to smack his hand after he slaps me in the face instead of explaining to him that hitting hurts and is not ok and sitting him on the floor.

Which reminds me. Why do people hit kids after they hit someone to tell them that hitting is wrong? I never understood it. And maybe, if nothing else, that will be the reminder in the back of my mind to not smack his hand after he smacks me.

Because I want him to go into life being able to express himself in healthy ways. I've been trying to model healthy expression of feelings to him. I say things to him like "I know you're frustrated, but we don't throw our toys."

But its hard to remember this at 3am. It's even harder to remember it when he's smacked me in the face a bunch of times, and fussed for no reason.

What's not hard to remember though, is that this little guy is my world. The center of my universe. Temper tantrums and all, and I love him no matter what. Face smacking and all.

I'm BAAAAACK!

It's been an eventful however many months since I last posted. The owlet is now 16 months old. He's into EV-ER-Ything. He doesn't listen to the word "no", or "uh-uh" or "we don't touch that." I am amazed that I still have hair, and that it's still not grey.

We took our first plane ride on Christmas Eve day (because we are crazy and gluttons for punishment, and because it is way cheaper to fly on Christmas Eve). The owlet did amazingly well. I, being the worry wart that I am, was worried that he would do his annoying car scream the entire plane ride and that our fellow passengers would give us glaring looks and kick us off the plane, but, nope! He did fabulously. I think this had a lot to do with the fact that his grandparents were on the flight, and they got to entertain him. Plus he didn't have to feel me tense up as the plane took off (that's my least favorite part) or landed (my second least favorite part), which I think helped.

Why'd we fly? Oh, right! I finally decided that I should see some of my family on Christmas this year, and we actually had enough money saved up to buy our plane tickets, so, we had a good ol' fashioned New Hampshire Christmas. It was a great Christmas for the owlet, who got not one, not two but 5 Christmases total! I'm glad he's still so young, I don't want him to think that he's going to get 5 Christmases every year. But it was great. He's adorable, and family that had yet to meet him were instantly in love with him. How could they not be?

I am pretty proud of myself too, because I managed to make a felt quiet book in my spare time, while also making Christmas gifts for family members. Yup. Me. I don't sew (and didn't really have to sew much for this book), and it didn't turn out half as good as I wanted, but I did it. I'll do another blog post soon with the details.

So, other things have been keeping me away from blogging. Namely, DOCTOR WHO. Oh my gosh. Do you guys watch this show? Because, holy crap. You should. I started seeing all these pictures on pinterest (are you on pinterest, by the way? You should be.) and I thought, hmmm. This show seems quirky and weird (and who on earth is that foxy man?)
And so I told the hubs I wanted to watch it, and after he stopped looking utterly surprised, he told me that he had the first series of the NEW Doctor on his computer, and after 1 episode I was Hooked, with a capital H. Seriously. I am obsessed. I can proudly say that I am a New Whovian.

I've also been reading like my life depends on it. I've made a goal for myself to read 30 books this year. That's more than 2 a month, for those of you not good with the maths. So far I've read 3, so I'm doing pretty good, as its only January something. And seeing as how I work in a library and constantly find more books that I want to read, I think I'll hit 30 with no problems.

So, that's what I've been up to for the past 4 months. What about you? What's been keeping you busy, sane, or insane?

Mompetition

Its been a while since I've blogged. The owlet has turned 1 (more on that at a later time). But something has brought me back to the blogosphere and pulled me away from Pottermore and Pintrest. That something, mommies, is Mompetition.

What is mompetition? Its when we, as mommies, feel the need to compete with other moms. This can be done in several ways, but the most common is comparing your child to another's. Theirs might have started walking at 8 months, but YOURS is already fluent in Chinese, and your family is not even from China. Its this need that many moms feel to one-up a fellow mommy. And ladies, I have to say, no one wins here. Sure you might feel better about yourself for a second, but then you find out that another baby is fluent in not only Chinese, but also Spanish and is currently studying German.

Another example of mompetition is putting another mommy down, or telling her, "you think you have it bad now? Just wait. My 2 year old just electrocuted his younger brother. You have no idea how good you have it." Similarly is when a fellow mom asks for help and receives the reply, "Oh please. I had 15 kids at once and worked 40 hours a week and still managed to be June Cleaver every evening at 4:30, with a four course meal ready and prepared for my husband."

Again, this helps NO ONE. Because again, you might feel good for a millisecond (but do you really?) And all is does is make that other mommy either a)feel like crap or b)make her feel like she needs to then one-up you.

What is it about us women that we can be so kind and wonderful to one another, and then turn around and stab each other in the back, just to make ourselves feel better? Wouldn't we feel even greater if we actually, I don't know HELPED one another?

When a fellow sleep deprived, overwhelmed, out of it mommy comes to you and says "oh. my. god. If Johnny doesn't start sleeping through the night, I am seriously going to lose my schmidt," wouldn't it make you feel so much better to say "Oh, honey. I feel you. I remember what it was like to be there. And it does eventually get better." Instead of, "suck it up, sunshine. It only gets worse. My kid is sleeping through the night but he refuses to pee in the potty and chooses instead to pee on the couch, so see how much easier you have it?" Because at least with the first example you've made a fellow mommy feel like she's not alone, instead of feeling even MORE overwhelmed than she already was.

The other day while driving home from work, there was this stupid radio program that I have no idea why I listen to, and they were talking about a mom with a 5 month old who is a SAHM, who wanted to hire a housekeeper. They could afford the help financially, but the husband wasn't on board. So they called this show up for some advice. And folks, the number of people (including FELLOW MOMMIES) who berated this woman, both on the air and on facebook made me sick. They called her lazy, and told her to get up off her ass and do some housework. Several were of the "I had 400 kids, and was a military mom*, and worked 65 hours a week and sunshine shines out of my butt" variety. I could tell in minutes that this poor woman was totally and utterly overwhelmed and was clearly asking for help, in more than just asking for a housekeeper. And by berating her, she probably felt even more overwhelmed and alone than ever.

* I have the utmost respect for military moms, btw. I have no idea how you mammas manage to take care of your kiddos by yourself while also worrying about your loved ones deployed and fighting for our country. My point was that these mommies were acting all "holier than thou" when a fellow woman was asking for help.

As far as I know, as moms, we're all just trying to do the best damn jobs we can. Some of us do it better than others, but we all have our own strengths and weaknesses, and we can all help each other out. So mommies, when you see or talk to another mommy who clearly has her hands full/is overtired, overwhelmed, or utterly exhausted, offer her some FRIENDLY advice. Some words of encouragement. Tell her it gets better (even if it doesn't). Because right now, that mommy who is still up every 3 hours with her son to breastfeed, does not need to hear that soon she'll be dealing with that same child playing with his own poop in the toilet.