Thursday, April 21, 2011

The lopsided cow

image via

It has come to my attention (actually, it came to my attention several months ago, but whatevs) that the milk factory attached to my chest does not produce equally on both sides. I knew this would be the case, because I'm sure I read about it in one of the 3 books I read before the owlet was born. But I didn't know they would be this unequal.

For example. I am sitting here pumping (literally. I am.) and on one side I have managed to pump just over 4 ounces. The other side? Is barely closing in on 2.

WHY DON'T THEY TELL US THIS WHEN WE GET PREGNANT? Why didn't my doctor say, "by the way, your boobs? They won't produce the same amount. You'll be able to feed your owlet just fine, but he might get frustrated when he's eating on one side because it comes out slowly, and only a few ounces. " What she did say: "you might have one side that produces a little less than the other, and that's ok, just make sure to still nurse or pump on that side." It would have been nice to know that my boobs are now not only two different sizes, but that they produce very different amounts.

Which is awesome when the owlet only eats on one side before he gets full, and then I walk around really feeling lopsided. Not cool, owlet. Not cool.

The funny thing is, the side that produced LESS would always seem to leak MORE in the middle of the night, like when I was carrying the owlet, or rocking him, or he was sleeping on me. WTF is up with that? Shouldn't the side that produces MORE be leaking?

Actually, I'd rather neither side leak, and save some of that precious milk for the owlet, rather than feeding my shirt or the bed. But whatevs.

Thankfully, the leaking has stopped. The two different boob sizes and milk amounts, however, have not.

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