Saturday, May 28, 2011

the new normal

I have not had a full night's sleep since I was probably about 4 months pregnant. Considering that the owlet is almost 9 months old, this mean that I have not had a full night's sleep in over a year. A friggin year.

I have decided that normal people cannot say that they are "exhausted" because they do not know the meaning of the word. Sorry, college student co-worker, your staying up too late one night watching a movie does not give you the right to complain about how tired you are. Because you have no. idea. how tired I am.

But that's just the thing. I am so tired, that I don't know anything else. I don't know what its like anymore to wake up in the morning feeling refreshed and well rested. I don't know that I will ever again know what that is like, to be honest.

And yes, I nap when he naps, when I'm home with him. When I'm at work, however, I can't really nap, can I?

It's sort of amazing what you get used to when it's all you know. It's like when I worked with kiddos in therapy. They got so used to things being the way that they were, they didn't know they could be any other way. That doesn't make sense, does it? Who cares, I'm too tired.

The funny thing is, despite my extreme exhaustion, I don't go to bed at 7:00 when the owlet does. Not anymore, anyway. I did, for a couple months. But I was almost more frustrated when he woke up after just a couple hours. Now I go to bed a little later and somehow am less frustrated, even though I've only gotten about an hour of sleep.

Despite my extreme never ending exhaustion being my new normal, I'd really like to get back to what other people get to experience. I'd like to only be woken up once a night, and then only briefly. I'd rather not continue this trend of waking up 5 or 6 times a night anymore.

Otherwise the owlet's normal is going to be a very frustrated and snarky mommy, with bags under her eyes big enough to carry enough for a month long trip to Europe.

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